I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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