I hope mine doesn't look like that
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
