News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
