The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
