I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
its liver damage thursday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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