we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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