I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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