Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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