plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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