I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
