how can u be prego again
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
