Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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