Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
