woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
