all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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