Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
