I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
