On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
