how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
