I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
