oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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