We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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