what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
