Sry I called you an 8
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
