If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
