Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
