CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I forget how to act sober
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize