you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
