craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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