We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
love makes seman taste better
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
