can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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