id be glad to
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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