What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
