i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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