whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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