I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
