he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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