Need sex. Gaining weight.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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