his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
