How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
