Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
