Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
