I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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