Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
