new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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