Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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