the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
