it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
