OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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