I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
