I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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