it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
