non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize