Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
