That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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