she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
