Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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