HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
