I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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