She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
