Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize