Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
