Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
