is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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