suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
