Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
