I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
