This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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