Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
