Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
