I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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