I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
