I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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