Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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