I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
