I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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