Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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