we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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