So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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