my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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