she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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