im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
