The maid of honor just puked.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
