Sponge bath it is.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize