I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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