your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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