Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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