i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
