Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
