She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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