butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
