Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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