I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
