hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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