So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
