why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
