I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize