She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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